Antises wrote:Do you know, Alban, of many women from arranged marriages who have been abused or are unhappy in any way?
No, I base my observations on the many articles and documentaries that have been written and shown about it. To rely on personal experience would be folly indeed. And to give you food for thought, there was a documentary on recently soley concerned with the number of murders covered up, where the grooms family were unhappy with the bride, and as she "belonged" to them, she either "disappeared", or "committed suicide". Believe me, this is by no means the first of these types of documentaries that have been shown.
Antises wrote:There is nothing intrinsically wrong with giving/taking advice, as long as it is just advice.
Actually, in this area, there is. By taking advice, the advisor is an outsider looking in. To assume they know more about the individuals' emotions is sheer madness. Similarly, the advisor brings with them a number of preconceptions about what a good / bad partner is, which are then laden on to the shoulders of those seeking advice. In this area, there is no substitute for experience between the individuals themselves. If they are unsure, then try it out for a while and see how the cookie crumbles. It is only the ridiculous idea that always was prevalent in the SES (and many other communities also) that "Living in Sin" is wrong (the name says it all).
Incidentally, things may have changed, but in the bad old days, it was much less about seeking advice. The way it was done was that the senior men in the SES would go to Leon M and express a desire to get married. He would then choose them a girl to persue, while on the other hand, word went down, and she would be pushed towards this man.
Antises wrote: Regarding the SES in particular, I cannot see any personal gain that Mr. Lambie can attain by giving advice, or what evil he may intend.
It is not about personal gain, and I'm not suggesting that he intends any harm. If people want to get married and it is wrong from an outsider's point of view, then the outsider must watch it happen and let the mistake be made. If the marriage works, then the outsider is then forced to reconsider their opinions, if it fails, then the parties concerned have learnt a valuable lesson, which they will take with them.
There is a lot of stigma put on divorce, especially in religion, but it is really just an admission that a mistake has been made. This is far better than living a life of unhappiness.
Antises wrote:I cannot comment on whether the marriage between the male teacher and his pupil was morally acceptable. What I can say is that they are still married, and happily at that, which is quite an achievement considering current rates of divorce.
Actually, these types of marriages happened a number of times and there have been a number of break-ups too. It would be unfair on the individuals concerend to start naming names. However, I am happy to summise that the success of these marriages has been no different to the general success-rate of marriages in this country.
I would love to hear from anyone (especially early-adopters of the scheme) who went through one of these marriages, regardless of whether it is still alive, or dead.