Domestic abuse - observed or experienced (now with poll!)

Discussion of the SES, particularly in the UK.

Do you know of domestic abuse that occurred in SES families?

Yes -In my family
6
33%
Yes - In another family
5
28%
Maybe - I heard second-hand but am not sure
2
11%
No - I don't know about any
5
28%
 
Total votes: 18

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Free Thinker
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Domestic abuse - observed or experienced (now with poll!)

Postby Free Thinker » Sun Mar 26, 2006 9:08 pm

EDITED TO ADD: I've not put a poll so that people can vote anonymously if they feel uncomfortable writing about it.

So...how much domestic abuse was going on behind the scenes in the SES?

There was none in my family but I stayed with a family frequently when my parents were at residential in Wallkill, NY where it did occur. It was a big shock to me, as I really liked and respected the family. But one evening, the mom, daughter and I had prepared a really nice dinner. The father came home, and started a fight over something extremely minor, I believe, having to do with green peppers. Since that stands out in my mind, I'll take it as the cause. The father was very angry, yelling at the mother in a very cruel way. She did not yell back. It continued and he yelled at the daughter and I to go outside of the house (at nighttime.) I was so angry at him because what he was doing was completely unjustified, but at about 10 years old, I didn't know how to express it. So as we left, I stuck my tongue out at him. Boy, did I get an earful after that.

As the daughter and I were waiting outside in the yard, she told me that she hoped that he wouldn't hit her this time, but that he often did. My stomach was already in a knot and this tied it even tighter. Eventually, they ended the fight and we were allowed to come back in.

I never told anyone about it. I forgot about the incident for years until after I'd left the school. When I remembered, my heart broke for the mother, who was the kindest, gentlest person and had been so good to me the many times I'd stayed there. In hindsight, I could see many incidences of this under the surface when I stayed there. He was always in charge, making the decisions. I remember seeing a shirt in a thrift store and thinking he would love it as it said something about the man being the king of his castle. I wonder now how many other wives were affected by the school's teaching about men being superior (however they like to justify it - that's what it comes down to).

Who's next?
Last edited by Free Thinker on Wed Mar 29, 2006 6:11 am, edited 3 times in total.

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Ben W
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Domestic violence - how much?

Postby Ben W » Mon Mar 27, 2006 3:25 am

In our case lots.

The first time I was able to put this in context was in 1984 when I read "Scream quietly or the neighbours will hear" by Erin Pizzey. It was a revelation to me.

I am hoping that both my mother and stepfather will post on here at some point - it is mainly their story.

I suffered a great deal too as I have written about elsewhere.

Communication between family members is better than it has been for a very long time and the danger of opening this up here is that we lose the ground that has been claimed back

Ben
Child member of SES from around 1967 to around 1977; Strongly involved in Sunday Schools ; Five brothers and sisters went to ST V and St J in the worst years

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Ben W
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Not bumping - honest

Postby Ben W » Tue Mar 28, 2006 7:38 am

I'd like to see this thread developed if possible.

I am hoping that a number of people on the board are thinking about this and preparing to contribute. My sense is that there may be quite a few who visit this site who have something to say on this topic.

Of course, this thread has the potential to hit very raw nerves within families.

... But it would be good to know.
Child member of SES from around 1967 to around 1977; Strongly involved in Sunday Schools ; Five brothers and sisters went to ST V and St J in the worst years

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Free Thinker
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Postby Free Thinker » Wed Mar 29, 2006 3:46 am

I would, too. but this is very touchy and sensitive topic for most people. And there may be many people who would post but don't feel able or comfortable doing so...

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Ben W
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Joined: Fri Mar 17, 2006 2:33 am

Postby Ben W » Wed Mar 29, 2006 5:30 am

How about redoing this as a poll?
Child member of SES from around 1967 to around 1977; Strongly involved in Sunday Schools ; Five brothers and sisters went to ST V and St J in the worst years

Joseph O'Shea
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Joined: Wed Mar 15, 2006 11:37 am
Location: Edgware
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Postby Joseph O'Shea » Thu Mar 30, 2006 12:38 pm

At Queensgate in the early 80s until I was 7 years old. Classmates included John Frederic Arthur Farndel and Timothy Body and most importantly, James Warham!. My Grandfather used to manage Sarum Chase in London for many years.

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Free Thinker
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Postby Free Thinker » Tue Apr 04, 2006 7:23 am

Interesting poll results so far....

5 said yes - in my family
5 said yes - in another family, or maybe in another family
5 said no


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