Just discovered!

Discussion of the SES, particularly in the UK.
sweetiepie
Posts: 4
Joined: Fri Sep 04, 2009 1:16 pm

Just discovered!

Postby sweetiepie » Fri Sep 11, 2009 11:55 am

I've never posted on a forum before! It feels like any new experience - a little dangerous and a little exciting! I am a bit of a reactionary when it comes to computers and turn to my 15 year old daughter at times like this normally! This time though I needed to be alone to compose my thoughts and write so have chosen a quiet time when I am alone in the house!
I was a member of the SES for 22 years ( I was shocked when I worked this out in preperation to post on the Forum!) and left 5 or 6 years ago. I joined a branch with my mum at the age of 10.
I was, I now realise, incredibly lucky to have not joined the London School and to have had an independent-minded and quite rebellious mother (!). I have been devouring the topics on this site! I have a fairly busy life with three children and a part-time job in a state school as a Higher Level Teaching Assistant but any spare time I have, I have been on here reading the posts.
I am truely shocked about what went on but not terribly surprised. I have never experienced out right cruelty but I am very familiar with the double-think, the psychological games and the general hypocrcrisy. What has been most refreshing to read on here is the translation of all I know so well and have experienced by intelligent, reasonable people. It's like a really satisfying, cathartic conversation with open-minded people....and thats before actually posting myself!
I have so much I want to say I am not sure where to start and hope to say it all one way or another...
Perhaps for this post it is best to talk about discovering this Forum and the particular stage of 'having left' I am at!
I discovered this forum because of 'Shame on you' by Clara Salaman. I am about to start reading it and although I am unfamiliar with some of the names I have seen discussed here, I defifitely know the more well-known ones. My slightly rebellious mother did end up teaching at St James Boys School in Twickenham so even after leaving I was aware of events and personalities. Interestingly the Inquiry was played down enormously - my mum had left SES by then but as a member of staff knew a little about the official reactions and they seemed very understated. I think even the Catholic Church has apologised more formally and officially but similarly hasn't addressed the reasons why these atrocities were allowed to go unchallenged in the first place. Heirarchies do present this problem - dig too deep and you undermine someones authority!
My mum sent me a link to the Guardian article and Clara spoke of the forum and the inquiry - hence I ended up here. I left without support and against a lot of pressure to stay. I don't think that pressure came from anything but genuine concern for my welfare and obviously the insecurity that people leaving casts on everyone else. Apparently my world will end in another 3 years - my tutor predicted 8 years of enlightened life after leaving and then I would be back to square one! I live in hope of this day!
No - that is unfair - in some ways I learnt a lot about myself during my years in the school and I developed the beginnings of my relationship with God. I haven't run from the frying pan to the fire I promise but I do believe in God and I do have a personal relationship with that God. I don't believe in Organisations! They are a thing of the physical world and end up corrupted and compromised as it is in the nature of the world to do to things!
I totally agree with the discussions which have been had about weak minds. Organisations prey on weak minds, on frightened, lonely people. I think my survival depends entirely on my bloodymindedness! Actually that is not quite true - I would have been a goner if it was not for choosing a husband who is even more stubborn than me!
I must tell you the story and those who have been in a Youth Group will hopefully groan and laugh along with me! I met my husband at age 17. He was not a member of the SES - easy to do when you are in a Branch and go to a common or garden state school - we knew then really that we would be together for ever but its not the done thing and we both went off to Uni and split up for a while. Disillusioned by my wild ways at Uni and racked with guilt as a good SES member should always be I joined a Youth Group and got back together with my then boyfriend. A year later - a fully fledged member of the Youth Group I had to announce that I had fallen pregnant out of wedlock! It was actually incredibly painful - but stubborn to the end I went for it and am now very happily married with 3 beautiful children and a career on the way!!!
My point is though - I know I am rambling! - that marrying him saved me and I wish I could go back and save myself the years of metal torture which made my marriage fairly unhappy and was just useless and unhelpful. I spent 10 years wishing he were different, I was different, my parents were different, my children were different, our income was different and then; and this was the straw which broke the camels back; my children's school was different. Talk about sacrifice and acceptance - how were they possible when you are being told all the time that you are not good enough - you are not meditating properly, doing the excersises properly, that's why your life is so not the right life! This is not embracing and then detaching - this is obsessing! And this is what weak, insecure minds will do! There was lots of love - but mostly shown by those who were loving in nature anyway and then they'd be criticised for not loving in quite the right way! I think life is really about embracing your personality not repressing it - it is god-given after all and then, funnily enough, the difficult bits recede naturally and you realise what it is you are here to do and who you really are!
I have to go out now - but have enjoyed expressing a few of my thoughts ( you have more!!!) and hope to recieve some responses!
Sweetiepie

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bonsai
Posts: 322
Joined: Sun Feb 12, 2006 12:08 am
Location: London

Re: Just discovered!

Postby bonsai » Fri Sep 11, 2009 1:37 pm

Welcome sweetiepie and congratulations on taking the plunge into contributing on a forum. Thank you also for having the courage to post about your own time with the SES.

sweetiepie wrote:I was a member of the SES for 22 years ( I was shocked when I worked this out in preperation to post on the Forum!) and left 5 or 6 years ago.
Isn't it shocking just what you have been through when you stop and reflect. So much for consciousness. Much of being aware does involve stopping and looking back at the past and reflecting, though the SES would have you believe otherwise.

sweetiepie wrote:I was, I now realise, incredibly lucky to have not joined the London School and to have had an independent-minded and quite rebellious mother (!).
I believe that the key to surviving the pressures of the SES involves having strong outside influences.

sweetiepie wrote:My slightly rebellious mother did end up teaching at St James Boys School in Twickenham so even after leaving I was aware of events and personalities. Interestingly the Inquiry was played down enormously - my mum had left SES by then but as a member of staff knew a little about the official reactions and they seemed very understated. I think even the Catholic Church has apologised more formally and officially but similarly hasn't addressed the reasons why these atrocities were allowed to go unchallenged in the first place. Heirarchies do present this problem - dig too deep and you undermine someones authority!
It's very interesting to hear how the inquiry was played down at the school itself and it would be brilliant if could post anything you know about this. I think there are huge parallels between the SES and the Catholic Church in Ireland. In both cases it is the presumption that these things are good, pure, spirituality enlightening but unfortunately in that presumption, simple and basic morality can be bypassed.

sweetiepie wrote:I left without support and against a lot of pressure to stay. I don't think that pressure came from anything but genuine concern for my welfare and obviously the insecurity that people leaving casts on everyone else. Apparently my world will end in another 3 years - my tutor predicted 8 years of enlightened life after leaving and then I would be back to square one! I live in hope of this day!
I think leaving the SES can be hugely difficult and would encourage anyone to seek support when doing so. The longer you are in the organisation the more of your free time it consumes and the more of your social interactions can be based on relationships which are forged with other members. This can be hugely difficult to tear oneself away from without significant outside influences and support. It is very easy to see how people become trapped and dependent on the organisation.

sweetiepie wrote:... I do believe in God and I do have a personal relationship with that God. I don't believe in Organisations! They are a thing of the physical world and end up corrupted and compromised as it is in the nature of the world to do to things!
Absolutely, I couldn't agree more.

sweetiepie wrote:I spent 10 years wishing he were different, I was different, my parents were different, my children were different, our income was different and then; and this was the straw which broke the camels back; my children's school was different. Talk about sacrifice and acceptance - how were they possible when you are being told all the time that you are not good enough - you are not meditating properly, doing the excersises properly, that's why your life is so not the right life! This is not embracing and then detaching - this is obsessing! And this is what weak, insecure minds will do! There was lots of love - but mostly shown by those who were loving in nature anyway and then they'd be criticised for not loving in quite the right way!
This is an amazing description and it is frightening just how negative and destructive it sounds. Nothing when observed through an SES lens happens to be quite right unless it is what the tutor at the front is doing or someone more senior in heirarchy.

sweetiepie wrote:I think life is really about embracing your personality not repressing it - it is god-given after all and then, funnily enough, the difficult bits recede naturally and you realise what it is you are here to do and who you really are!
Here here.

Bonsai

sweetiepie
Posts: 4
Joined: Fri Sep 04, 2009 1:16 pm

Re: Just discovered!

Postby sweetiepie » Fri Sep 11, 2009 5:32 pm

Thank you, Bonsai!
I have been reading some more this evening and some of the accounts make you want to cry. To think of the harm done before the age of 5 years by people who were aware of exactly how important this time is for a child - what happens then will effect them for the rest of their lives. I actually learnt that very fact in the SES!
If I think of the small contradictions which eventually built up and made me leave and then think that a lot of what I read here had already happened and been perpetrated by some of the people I was so in awe of - or at least ignored by those people - it actually makes me feel quite ashamed and so horrified that I wanted my children to be in that kind of school environment.
Funnily enough, my Branch wanted to start their own school and I got involved in the efforts, having small children myself. Watching people and how they changed and became what I can only describe as power-hungry in the process is what made me sit down and really evaluate whether I wanted to be a part of this anymore.
The decision to leave was sudden and obviously having a husband and friends who weren't in the school helped. I dreamt though for weeks and months - every dream I had I was at one of the big houses and being shunned by everyone - Mr Boddy figured hugely. I felt awful in the dreams - I was letting everyone down, an outcast wandering around - I suppose psychologically working through all the expectations and ideas learnt over the years.
It is really important to take a trial period when considering leaving because it's amazing how quickly you realise you don't need to belong to make use of the good things you learnt whilst in school and how the bad things hugely outweigh the good. Also, you realise the good stuff has it's origins in so much more than the SES and you can find that stuff if you look elsewhere without signing your and your family's life away. In fact because it isn't mixed up with the Organisation's desires and aims it's usually a better source! A 'trial period' takes away the panic a bit and gives some space, also your tutor is not so on red alert to find out why you are going and gives you a little space too.
I can truely say it was one of the best things I have done - and in some ways, at exactly the right time for me. The 'new' SES has something to offer - if you can ignore the past and don't get too drawn in - but those gems of wisdom are out there and more easily available to you in other ways.
Sweetiepie


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