Sydney Ex-Member Would Like to Chat

Discussion of the SES' satellite schools in Australia and New Zealand.
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ant
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Sydney Ex-Member Would Like to Chat

Postby ant » Thu Mar 09, 2006 12:14 pm

I know it's probably not the best to start a new topic but I have been browsing for dayz trying to find somewhere to connect in. I first found this site while looking for info on another cult. That was before Chistmas and I was so relieved to find somewhere where people felt like I did. However since this time a lot of the exchanges seem to be pretty spikey :agrue: and intellectual debate which is great but I kind of miss the regular old sharing of experiences.

I was virtually born into the SES as my parents were in the school in England before moving back to Australia where they became heavily involved. I am now 37 years old and all I can say is for me personally those experiences and then the chaos my family went through trying to reintegrate back into society after leaving when I was 12, have had a major impact on me.

I am glad to hear that current students are happy and have favourable things to say about the current situation. If things have changed I am so heartily glad. I often check out the web sites and wonder what it is like now.

My experience was far less favourable and included experiences of physical, psychological and sexual abuse. Some of my experiences were documented in the Secret Cult Book. At five I was in a serious burns accident in which I received third degree burns to over 80% of my body, for which I required regular skin grafts until I was seventeen. This, I was regularly told had occured because I was willfull and needed to learn humility.

I was also in cleaning teams where we used to clean the single mens houses :B-fly: from when I was five. On returning home from hospital I was made to return to task and on my first night was made to pick up dog shit with my bare hands (which were recovering from burns so serious my fingers had been stuck together) and clean the toilet without a cloth so as to learn that I was not to receive any special treatment because of what happened.

The saddest things is what it did to families and to the individuals who deep down at some stage must have been Ok people. Thank you to Mathew for your inital post in 2005 - I cried so much after reading it and could also heartbreakly relate to the topic Letter to My Mother (prob not quite right) Last August my sister sent a letter to my father confronting him about things that had occurred - this has now created a rift and my parents no longer speak to me despite the letter not being from me. I felt I had to support my sister who has suffered increadibly as a result of things that have happned.

Because my father was high up in the Sydney school I was sent to the adult retreat as often the only child, and being an inqusitive, rebellious child, I probably saw things I wasn't supposed to. Young teenage girls harressed/fondled by the older men.

I, myself had scary experiences. In one incident, at eight I was sent to stay with a couple as the wife was pregnant, had a young child and was very sick. I was there to help - make bread, look after the toddler, cook the meals. clean the house and look after the wife. At night the husband would push himself up against me while I was in the kitchen and one night kept trying to get into the room I was sleeping in. I ended up taking the toddler and pushing furniture up against the door - barely sleeping all night in case he got in.

The greatest damage for me as in Tears Roll Down is trying to comprehend the cruelty in the name of spiritual enlightenment and the fact that it seems to create an aura of "I'm not responsible". To the outside world I am the manager of a support service, working with people with mental illness. I am a mother of a fantastic 14 year old daughter and against the odds have maintained a 16 year marriage. On the inside though I experiences dark periods of depression, suicidal thoughts, have used drugs and alcohol to cope and have felt like giving up. However I have been lucky to have people who have believed in me. My husband who knows all about what has happened and has cried with me when I am bewildered as to how supposedly spritual intelligent adults could want to inflict pain and suffering on a child.

What is it that allows a person to ignore the hurt, pain and fear in a child's eyes. I have done a lot of counselling and currently still attend intensive therapy and most days I can put those things behind me, however there are other days when the sense of abandonment, disbelief and hurt are overwhelming.

Thanks to those of you who have had the courage to acknowledge the difficulties. Even as a small child I always knew it was wrong - the world of books was my escape and showed me how normal familes lived and true morality was played out. As TV, newspapers were banned, there was limited outside input - you couldn't socialise with anyone outside of the school, thank god I had some alternative input through books - they showed me how normal (in the loosest definition of the word) people lived.

Would love to hear from any members of the Sydney school. We used to meet at Willmot Street in the inner city of Sydney. It later moved to Kent Street. I especially would love to contact Adam & Justine ( I won't put surnames) - but you'll know who you are.

Thanks Mike for this site - Hope it' Ok I started a new topic and this entry's not too long.

:Fade-color Antonia Ravesi
"I used to keep an open mind but my brains kept falling out!"[/b]

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Postby a different guest » Thu Mar 09, 2006 12:29 pm

And - a visit to the Melbourne School thread might help

http://www.whyaretheydead.net/phpBB2/vi ... .php?t=421

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ant
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Thanks,

Postby ant » Thu Mar 09, 2006 1:06 pm

Thanks! Have checked it out quickly. A bit new at this.

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Re: Sydney Ex-Member Would Like to Chat

Postby mgormez » Thu Mar 09, 2006 3:07 pm

ant wrote:Thanks Mike for this site - Hope it' Ok I started a new topic and this entry's not too long.


No worries.Your post is entirly on topic and there is no lenght limit on that. Never was. So please write more about your experiences if you want. You are not alone.

The comments about too many threads recently were directed at a few individuals who nearly took over the BB and were a nuisance. Things have improved since then in that regard.
Mike Gormez

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Postby a different guest » Thu Mar 09, 2006 9:19 pm

oh ant - sorry. I didn't mean my post to imply not to start a new thread - just thought I'd show you were some aussies have had some discussion.
:)

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Postby ant » Thu Mar 09, 2006 10:09 pm

Thanks Free Thinker and Mike for your support. Will post more shortly. Want to be constructive how I talk about it. Have checked out the other link.
Cheers
:fadein:
Ant

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Postby Free Thinker » Fri Mar 10, 2006 12:13 am

Hi Ant!

Welcome to the board. We are listening to whatever you have to say.

It's an interesting mix of members we have here. I, like you, was born into an SES (SoPP in the US) family, and spent much time with SES people or on SES activities. Luckily, my father left when I was 12 so I had a tiny but of balance. Unluckily, my mother had custody of me, and she remained in the school until a few years ago.

I am lucky in that things have improved a great deal since writing that letter to my mother. I don't think the letter did it necessarily, but it sure helped her to begin a path of "realization of her true self" - hehehe, and to begin a real relationship with me. I'm sorry things turned out badly with your parents. But in some ways it's like an addiction. People can't be made to see when they aren't in control of their lives until they want to.

I am also lucky to be younger than you, and to have grown up in the US, where the hold of MacLaren wasn't nearly as great and there was more heterogeniety and diffusion of ideas. So I wasn't subjected to any physical abuse or sexual. Emotional and mental, yes, but that goes along with the SES philosophies, regardless of whether people are out of control in terms of discipline or sex.

I, too had no TV or newspapers growing up although I did have lots of Non-SES friends. But my mother didn't, and she disapproved of any my father did. Possibly for good reasons. but still... I also spent a LOT of time reading books.

And when I was in counseling for depression as a teenager - it didn't even occur to me to talk to the therapist about being in the School!!!! So although it was a little helpful, I can only imagine how earlier I might have become a better person and more healed, if I had gotten to the root of the problem.

My husband also knows quite a bit about the school and supports me - as he's been the front line for my personal problems resulting from the school, he's had to. And I am eternally greatful to him for being able to show me what they were and help me to work on them.

FT

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Postby a different guest » Sat Mar 11, 2006 11:46 am

Ant - although joining in on this website may seem a little confronting at first, I know that many people have found it a cathartic and healing experience. I sincerely hope this proves true for you. From what I have read and heard, the aussie schools were particularly nasty places. Something to do with us all being descended from convicts I believe. (where is that eye rolling smilie?)

I am not ex SES so a quick explanation why am I here. I have relo's deeply enmeshed and since their kids started at one of the aussie day schools I decided to find out more about the SOP (having long had some suspicions). I discovered this site and have been here quite a while now.

Hope to see you posting again soon.


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