St james Girls School - remembered

Discussion of the children's schools in the UK.
jojo
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri Jan 28, 2005 1:44 am

Postby jojo » Thu Mar 03, 2005 3:33 pm

Coralie,
I just want to extend my support to you. A child going through a family break up is hard enough, but having to deal with it within the background of SES/ St J and to see that woman everyday must have been unbearable.
Your post also reminds me of the utter hypocrisy of their teachings and how they could justify such actions with reference to the 'truth', a higher purpose and by closing ranks.
I really feel for you and what you went through and wish you happiness.

BoeingDriver
Posts: 33
Joined: Tue Feb 08, 2005 9:55 am

Care and Concern.

Postby BoeingDriver » Thu Mar 03, 2005 11:34 pm

dan wrote:I certainly dont remember any pastoral interest or care at St Vedast/James. Repression of emotion and problems was certainly encouraged. Any one with a problem was usually told they had too much of a sanskrit word (that had no obvious meaning). Does anyone know what the pastoral care at St James is like now?


As I have already said somewhere else on this board, I am not an ex St. V or St. J pupil nor have I been involved with the SES or any of its various manifestations. My 'association' is through my wife who went to St. J and who "escaped" from the SES.

I cannot comment on the state of pastoral care at St. J these days but certainly hope that it is much improved from the days of my wife's time there, and Clara's experience.

I mention Clara because I am going to attempt to relate a grubby little story about something that happened to my 10 year-old daughter last Wednesday afternoon as she walked home from school and the aftermath to date, to Clara's situation.

My daughter had been attending an after-school Japanese lesson and was walking home by herself. It is about a 15 minute walk from the school to home for an adult, maybe 20 - 25 minutes for my daughter by the time she has stopped to talk to the various cats she seems to have befriended on the way. It was a fine sunny afternoon. The route she takes is along reasonably busy roads, but as she was coming home an hour and a bit later than usual there were not the numbers of children walking as the would have been straight after school.

She was about halfway home when a car pulled up alongside her and a man asked if she could give him directions to some fictitious street. When she went over to answer she was shocked,and rather upset, to see that this individual had his pants down around his ankles and was "playing" with himself.

She told him she didn't know where the street was, turned and hastily continued her jouney home, where she arrived visibly upset and crying. My wife was there as she came through the front door. She didn't want to tell her what had happened in front of little brother (aged 9) so she and my wife went into our daughter's bedroom and the story came out. My wife then came to me and said that something had happened and could I come and talk to our daughter. We went back and made sure that she wanted to talk to me about it, which she did.

She and I talked about what had happened, and I suggested that we hop in the car and she could show me where it had happened and perhaps have a quick look around the carpark at a near by shopping mall to see if the deviant had gone in there to lie low for a while then go to the Police Station and tell them about it. She agreed to that, and off we went, me clutching the notes I had taken as she was talking and answering the questions I was asking. Needless to say, the deviant-mobile was nowhere to be seen.

We went to the Police Station where she was asked more questions about it (and I have to say that I am very proud of the way she conducted herself throughout). Afterwards the policeman took me aside and said that this was the fifth report they had had within the last week and it seemed to me that perhaps they have an idea of who it is, but just haven't quite got enough to pin on him.

The next morning I walked to school with my daughter. She was understandably nervous about walking but on the way we talked about things and I pointed out to her that at that time of the day there are probably too many people about for anyone to try that sort of thing. She also saw the policeman she had been talking to cruising past in his police car which pleased her no-end.

When we got to school I had a chat with the class teacher, who was understandably shocked by what had happened and suggested that I go and talk to the Associate Principal responsible for my daughter's year, as the school wants to know about these sorts of goings-on. The teacher assured me that she would keep a close eye on my daughter for the day and asked how she was and if there was anything in particular that she should be aware of.

The AP for my daughter's year was at a meeting away from the school so I talked to the AP for the year above. She was very concerned about what had happened, asked where and when and then said that it had happened the day before to another girl from the school. She, too, assured me that she would make sure our daughter was looked after and that she would pass the message on to the other AP.

That afternoon, my daughter's AP came and had a talk with her to make sure she was alright, reassured her that she had done everything right and then telephoned us at home to say that the message had been passed on to her, that she had talked to our daughter and asked if we were OK.

Forgive me for my rambling in the telling of the story, but I guess what I'm trying to illustrate is an example of what I found to be a quite extraordinary level of care and concern being displayed by a school and find it very reassuring to know that that level of concern in our daughter's wellbeing, and indeed our wellbeing as her parents, exists.

There is no doubt that it is vastly different to that "reaction" which Clara experienced, which my wife can vouch for through her time at St. James.

It is my sincere hope that the St. James Schools of today can, if not equal the level of care and concern shown by my daughter's school, come close to it.

By the way, I walked home from school with her yesterday, her mother walked with her to school this morning, we're going to see how she gets on by herself this afternoon and we're all reasonably OK.

Matthew
Posts: 212
Joined: Wed Feb 18, 2004 6:57 pm
Location: London

Re: Care and Concern

Postby Matthew » Fri Mar 04, 2005 12:56 am

Well, that story just says it all really. Thank you for sharing it with us Boeing.

daska
Posts: 270
Joined: Sat Jan 22, 2005 8:29 pm
Location: UK

Postby daska » Fri Mar 04, 2005 7:17 pm

so, so different from our experiences.

and so, so difficult to get out of the habit of thinking in the way that has been dictated:
if something bad happens to you, you must have provoked it because you're female, therefore it is your responsibility not to let this happen and
if something does happen then, because you're female and it is therefore your fault, you must apologise and be punished

because eventually it becomes habitual, you learn to punish yourself for your crime of getting people to be nasty to you

eating disorders, self harm, suicide, relationship difficulties

and the scariest thing was that a few years after escaping I seriously considered going back to SES - at least I knew where I stood there whereas I hadn't a clue about the real world

sometimes giving in is the easiest option

:(

Alban
Posts: 271
Joined: Wed Feb 18, 2004 11:23 am
Location: London

Postby Alban » Sat Mar 05, 2005 4:26 pm

daska wrote:...if something does happen then, because you're female and it is therefore your fault, you must apologise and be punished


That is exactly the sort of DANGEROUS CRAP that is foisted upon the children. It is in complete opposition to all the good work done by the charities set up to help people in abusive relationships.

There is no justification for this!

Any prospective (or current) parents please take note!

Shout
Posts: 101
Joined: Tue Jan 11, 2005 5:19 pm
Location: Reality
Contact:

Witches

Postby Shout » Sun Apr 17, 2005 3:43 pm

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