By way of introduction
Posted: Wed Feb 15, 2006 4:28 pm
Hello all
I am new to posting here. I was a pupil at St James boys? school for my entire education from four and a half to 18. I also attended SES in a foundation group for a year or so.
My time in St James and the SES was far from wholesome and happy, though I wasn't subject to the physical brutality that has been the subject of the inquiry. I do however fully recognise it and have witnessed plenty of it in my time at school and I know that the Inquiry has only scratched the surface. My troubles at school were far more to do with the lack of emotional support and well being. To me school was a cold place. I did not feel I had real friends. I generally kept my head down and conformed in the hope that this would lead me to the person I wanted to be. Also at the time I knew little that was different and thought that I was happy. However it was when I left and went to university that I began to see our unprepared I was for the outside world and real life and I have since spent a lot of time as an adult working out what I really thought at the time and recognising that my own opinions and thoughts are far more important to being the best person I can than those that were inflicted on me at school.
I have been lurking here for sometime, about 8 months, (I can keep my mouth shut no longer) and this has re-opened many wounds which I have already spent much time dealing with and trying to heal. I feel angry that even today, over ten years on, there are still consequences that I have to deal with and things that can not yet be put in their places. It is with great sadness that I read many of the stories posted here. Strikingly also it is with sadness that I read the three apologies from the teachers of St James that have been brave enough to do so. Of the three that have done so, I can only recall one of them dishing out this kind of mistreatment that has been raised as a concern and even he was not someone I particularly recall as harsh in this behaviour during my time at school. Whilst I am grateful that these apologies have been forthcoming I have found them quite unsettling. These more than anything bring to light the reality of what we went through at school, something, that in a way, I wish wasn?t true.
I must offer my own apology to those who worked so hard to get an inquiry for not making my own submission. I only became aware of the inquiry once it was underway and it has taken until now to feel brave enough to open my mouth and speak at all publicly about my own feelings on my past. I am grateful and have a great deal of respect for those who have had the courage to contribute to this process. I am also grateful that the governors accept the inquiry report and have offered the apology that they have. This is a start however I believe there is a very long way still to go.
My concerns with St James and the SES stem not from the physical abuses but more the mental abuses of children. I can not stand the high and mighty self righteous arrogance of many of those who teach in St James and who tutor and attend the SES. What they insist is the Truth can only at the most be classed as a belief with nothing more substantial or rational to support it. That this so called Truth is instilled in children in the way it is can be so damaging.
I am aware that the schools have changed somewhat and softened a little. Most of this does seem to have occurred since the time I have left these organisations. For example the pressure to join foundation groups is less and proportionally far fewer do these days. Particularly this seems to have been since the death of Leon MacLaren. However, whilst physical chastisement is no longer used on pupils at St James, there is plenty still that can lead to other damage particularly mental health issues. This is far more concerning as my own experience tells me psychological injuries take far longer to heal than the physical ones.
Bonsai
I am new to posting here. I was a pupil at St James boys? school for my entire education from four and a half to 18. I also attended SES in a foundation group for a year or so.
My time in St James and the SES was far from wholesome and happy, though I wasn't subject to the physical brutality that has been the subject of the inquiry. I do however fully recognise it and have witnessed plenty of it in my time at school and I know that the Inquiry has only scratched the surface. My troubles at school were far more to do with the lack of emotional support and well being. To me school was a cold place. I did not feel I had real friends. I generally kept my head down and conformed in the hope that this would lead me to the person I wanted to be. Also at the time I knew little that was different and thought that I was happy. However it was when I left and went to university that I began to see our unprepared I was for the outside world and real life and I have since spent a lot of time as an adult working out what I really thought at the time and recognising that my own opinions and thoughts are far more important to being the best person I can than those that were inflicted on me at school.
I have been lurking here for sometime, about 8 months, (I can keep my mouth shut no longer) and this has re-opened many wounds which I have already spent much time dealing with and trying to heal. I feel angry that even today, over ten years on, there are still consequences that I have to deal with and things that can not yet be put in their places. It is with great sadness that I read many of the stories posted here. Strikingly also it is with sadness that I read the three apologies from the teachers of St James that have been brave enough to do so. Of the three that have done so, I can only recall one of them dishing out this kind of mistreatment that has been raised as a concern and even he was not someone I particularly recall as harsh in this behaviour during my time at school. Whilst I am grateful that these apologies have been forthcoming I have found them quite unsettling. These more than anything bring to light the reality of what we went through at school, something, that in a way, I wish wasn?t true.
I must offer my own apology to those who worked so hard to get an inquiry for not making my own submission. I only became aware of the inquiry once it was underway and it has taken until now to feel brave enough to open my mouth and speak at all publicly about my own feelings on my past. I am grateful and have a great deal of respect for those who have had the courage to contribute to this process. I am also grateful that the governors accept the inquiry report and have offered the apology that they have. This is a start however I believe there is a very long way still to go.
My concerns with St James and the SES stem not from the physical abuses but more the mental abuses of children. I can not stand the high and mighty self righteous arrogance of many of those who teach in St James and who tutor and attend the SES. What they insist is the Truth can only at the most be classed as a belief with nothing more substantial or rational to support it. That this so called Truth is instilled in children in the way it is can be so damaging.
I am aware that the schools have changed somewhat and softened a little. Most of this does seem to have occurred since the time I have left these organisations. For example the pressure to join foundation groups is less and proportionally far fewer do these days. Particularly this seems to have been since the death of Leon MacLaren. However, whilst physical chastisement is no longer used on pupils at St James, there is plenty still that can lead to other damage particularly mental health issues. This is far more concerning as my own experience tells me psychological injuries take far longer to heal than the physical ones.
Bonsai