the story of our family

Discussion of the children's schools in the UK.
andrea Lewis
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Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 8:20 am
Location: LONDON

the story of our family

Postby andrea Lewis » Fri Mar 24, 2006 4:03 pm

I have been reading this forum since I saw the news item on channel 4. I have to tell my story too.

My name is Andrea Lewis, mother of Joseph who posted yesterday 23/3.

My family has connections with the SES dating back to the 1960's when my late father Jeffery Lewis joined, my brother joined, my uncle stayed for the early years and the economics, I joined in 1971.

I stayed in the SES for eleven years. I met Joseph's father there, Daniel O'Shea. I can't blame the SES for meeting him there! However I was already emotionally/psychologically damaged by the time that I did meet him which made me vulnerable.

Part of the attraction in marrying me was possibly because of the family's involvement in the school.

During my pregancy Daniel became more and more disturbed and violent. He really had a full psychotic illness believing that he was Jesus and other things too. I think that too much 'reality/responsibility' was impossible for him to bear (and he had his own damaged past to contend with) I mean being married, becoming a father. When it was clear to me that Joseph would be the next victim I left (with the help of a visiting friend and the family who lived downstairs).

In spite of a serious psychotic breakdown Daniel was not referred to the Mental Helath Services (presumably because they were not 'true' and did not understand sanskara) but instead was given intense one to ones with Julian Capper, the head of level, whose career was in advertising, this obviously making him eminintently suitable to deal with the situation.

I am crying as I write, this time of my life is extremely painful to recall but my son Joseph's courrage inspires me to continue. He has never seen his father.

The decision (wrong) to send Joseph to St James was meant for the best
however it had a strong negative influence on his developement and it is to his credit that after so amny difficult years he got to uni and got a good degree.

I want to talk about the SES and its attitude to women and other family issues in another post. It has been difficult writing this and important for me to use my real name.
ex member of the SES who has spent many years de-programming myself. Been reading the forum since the channel 4 news stuff. Feel its important for me to use my real name.

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bonsai
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Postby bonsai » Fri Mar 24, 2006 4:19 pm

Andrea,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for your posts and a big hat's off to you for having the courage to talk about your past given just how emotionally traumatic it is for you.

That people in the SES and its sister organisations have been able to abuse and injure fellow human beings whilst justifying their actions in the name of truth is despicable.

Bonsai

andrea Lewis
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Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 8:20 am
Location: LONDON

Postby andrea Lewis » Fri Mar 24, 2006 10:45 pm

Dear Bonsai

thank you for your kind words in response to my first post. I have found it very upsetting recalling the past some thirty years later but it also feels like the begining of a cathartic process and perhaps thats true not only personally but on a collective level, for former SES members as well as pupils from St james and St Vedast.

I do believe that the school attracted (and perhaps still does) many people who were looking for answers to life, who wanted more than materialism and populist culture. (just finished watching american idol and loving it!)

warm regards Andrea
ex member of the SES who has spent many years de-programming myself. Been reading the forum since the channel 4 news stuff. Feel its important for me to use my real name.

Alban
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Postby Alban » Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:26 pm

Hi Andrea,

I sincerely hope that this is the last time you'll have to deal with the emotional pain brought up by your recolections. I too have found it to be a painful but cathartic process, and whereas before I would not have talked about this to anyone, I now feel able to talk relatively objectively about it.

I think a lot of people are surprised at the strength of emotions displayed here, but when you've been supressing the same for 20-30 years it's amazing how powerful it becomes.

I hope you feel welcome here

Alban

andrea Lewis
Posts: 7
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 8:20 am
Location: LONDON

Postby andrea Lewis » Sat Mar 25, 2006 7:46 am

Dear Alban

thank you for your message. Yesterday was tough day, today I feel stronger. Its quite amazing how many memories have surfaced of people and events that I had forgotten for many years.

I would like to say a little bit more about my father Jeffery Lewis who is remembered elsewhere on the forum, and I am pleased that it was his kindness that was remembered.

He had a warm heart and was kind.

He was a long term member who dedicated his spare time to the school and in addtion did many philanthropic works in the community. These included being a school governor in an inner city school and being a lay police visitor which meant that he had to check with detained persons that there rights were being upheld.

His heart was broken after many years of service as house manager at Sarum Chase when he was removed from that duty and was told that there were financial discrepencies in the accounts, that he was by implication guilty of embezzlement. This affected him so deeply that after this the life seemed to go out of him and it certainly marked the beginning of his decline.

I just would like to mention my mother and all the other school widows, she coped with him being away so much well, b ut often there events like family funerals, weddings etc that my father did not attend because of school 'duties', those times were very hard for her.

Do others have similar memories?

warm regards

Andrea
ex member of the SES who has spent many years de-programming myself. Been reading the forum since the channel 4 news stuff. Feel its important for me to use my real name.

mm-
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Location: LONDON

Postby mm- » Sat Mar 25, 2006 8:19 pm

Hi Andrea,

Thank you for your honest posts. You mention that you have spent many years de-programming yourself. As a mother with a child who has been adversely affected by the education received at the hands of SES members, I am really interested to know how one goes about de-programming themselves. Any information or advice which you can give me would be gratefully received. Please feel free to PM me if you prefer.

andrea Lewis
Posts: 7
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 8:20 am
Location: LONDON

Postby andrea Lewis » Sat Mar 25, 2006 8:47 pm

Dear MM

you mention that you have a child who has been damaged by SES teachers and I'm really sorry to hear that and imagine that she/he has been removed from contact with those damaging adults.

I'm wondering how old that child is now, because de-programming for an adult and child may require different methods.

You ask how I did it, one of the ways was to have therapy, I have had therapy for ten years (with different therapists), trained as a counsellor myself and recently completed a Masters Degree in Integritive Art Psychotherapy.

I love the arts the capacity they have for exploring emotions, one of the things that needs to be undone is the SES belief that feelings are not true.
Playing with the arts, (DRAMA, CLAY ,POETRY, MOVEMENT, BODY WORK, PUPPETS AND MUSIC) I found to be incredibly liberating and also the art form can hold the feelings. It is not necassary to have a full blown catharis! just gentle work with a caring therapist who can help challenge the internalised beliefs (called introjects) taken in by your child.

I found being in nature healing, walking especially.

The oridinary everyday world with social activities and friends helped too as did just being listened to perhaps your child will find that the most helpful of all, for you to just listen and let the story be told. Actually writing a story or journal is another good way of working through the pain.

I could refer you to my training organisation if you would like to talk to someone there about the possibility of your child seeing a therapist, please feel free to e mail or pm.

There are some links on this website of organisations that help ex members of cults including children I think. (I'm sorry I don't have the computer expertise to paste them here, but if you type in cults in google you will find them.

I'm wondering if your child has difficulty in sleeping/bad dreams?

I do feel for you both and wish you well.

warm regards

Andrea
ex member of the SES who has spent many years de-programming myself. Been reading the forum since the channel 4 news stuff. Feel its important for me to use my real name.

mm-
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Location: LONDON

Postby mm- » Sat Mar 25, 2006 9:25 pm

Thanks Andrea

Will pm you.

CeliaR
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Joined: Mon Feb 27, 2006 2:05 am

Postby CeliaR » Sun Mar 26, 2006 8:17 am

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CeliaR
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Postby CeliaR » Sun Mar 26, 2006 12:06 pm

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andrea Lewis
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Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 8:20 am
Location: LONDON

Postby andrea Lewis » Sun Mar 26, 2006 12:20 pm

Dear Celia

thank you for your responses. I have been reading the forum avidly for two weeks and read your posts and your families and cried a great deal.

Its lunchtime here and I'm going to eat now but I would love to continue dialoging later on.

with all good wishes

Andrea

PS we can send messages PM if you prefer, I have felt the need to break the fear curcuit by giving my full name as has my son, who was known at St James as Joseph O'Shea. Whatever suits you is fine with me.
ex member of the SES who has spent many years de-programming myself. Been reading the forum since the channel 4 news stuff. Feel its important for me to use my real name.

CeliaR
Posts: 47
Joined: Mon Feb 27, 2006 2:05 am

Postby CeliaR » Sun Mar 26, 2006 8:57 pm

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Free Thinker
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Postby Free Thinker » Sun Mar 26, 2006 9:01 pm

Celia - I think that the female experience in the SES is very important to discuss. Many of the members here are male, and rightly so, as they experienced the most physical abuse as well as mental, and were mostly the subjects of the inquiry.

However, I think the female experience in the SES is something that no man will ever understand - although they can come close, and they are certainly very sympathetic and helpful on this board.

How about I start a thread for us to discuss feminine issues and stories in the SES, no matter what country?

I think someone already started a thread about Australian issues but if you can't find it, feel free to start one.

Mike and Daffy are very relaxed - there are no rules about posting or starting threads.

andrea Lewis
Posts: 7
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 8:20 am
Location: LONDON

Postby andrea Lewis » Sun Mar 26, 2006 10:18 pm

To Celia

you will not be taking anything from me or my story by adding your experiences as a woman, it heartens and saddens me to know that mine are echoed elsewhere because it illustrates how all pervasive and destructive the so called teaching was.

Whose mysogony was being enacted? I would really like to know more about Mclaren's early life, its almost as if an idealised victorian life was being recreated, (repelete with victorian hypocracy as my son said tonight).

I have been so emotionally drained these last two weeks this afternoon I fell into bed and slept for a long time, did you find that?

I was unsure what work to do when I was young and having had an art school training not exactly equipped for the real world, I remember asking a tutor about work and being told that 'It doesn't matter what you doe Miss Lewis as long as you it conciously, licking stamps for example...'

its night time now and I'm off to bed

with all good wishes

Andrea
ex member of the SES who has spent many years de-programming myself. Been reading the forum since the channel 4 news stuff. Feel its important for me to use my real name.


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