Just found you.

Discussion of the children's schools in the UK.
Blue
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Nov 26, 2009 9:47 pm

Just found you.

Postby Blue » Sat Nov 28, 2009 1:07 pm

Just found you all, after reading Claras book. . . .
I have been struggling for all of my adult life with coming to terms with my childhood, feeling ill equiped to deal with 'normal social working life'.
Trying not to fall into the trap of self pity, and keeping a sense of humour about the whole crazy mess.
Reading the book,and finding this site is so wondeful, I feel validated, and relieved that I had not exaggerated or fantasized anything.
I was at both St Vedast and St James schools from 1975-1985. I am a single child from a one parent family and lived with my mother in various rooms of SES members' houses including teachers from the age of 7 -10 until my mother had a mental breakdown. At which point we moved back with my Grandparents who were both members of the SES. There are so many terrible memories of this time, much of which are only returning to me from reading the book and looking at this forum.
I was treated as a very low and untrustworthy, almost abhorrent, child because not only was I illegitamate, but then my Mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia,
which was an ultimate denial of the 'truth and Absolute', My mother went into hospital for 6 months on and off, I felt humilliated so told no one at school , the teachers treated me with distain. My Grandparents, in usual SES style were totally occupied with duties, study days, weekends in Stanhill ,Waterperry & Sarum Chase.
I became withdrawn, dirty, my hair became matted, my gym clothes were never clean, let alone the dreaded uniform. I was useless academically, since discovering that I have Dislexia, and not that I was willfully denying the truth. My one joy was art. The Headmistress persecuted me daily, I started to try to avoid assembly, or the whole day, by riding the train round and round - just as Clara describes. My Mother was told the school, no one visited her or kept in contact, even after her years of so called friendship and commitment. I did make some very deep and wonderful freindships, even if they did not know all of what was going on, and without the help of two teachers - one who would just come to class and read us stories, and the other who encouraged my individuality and artistic talent - I would not have survived.
It took me years to be able to allow myself to be myself without too much self consciousness, I now have a happy and loving life, full of laughter, music, meat, wine and good loving.

Thankyou for being here .

ingr
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Nov 19, 2009 4:26 pm

Re: Just found you.

Postby ingr » Sat Nov 28, 2009 9:43 pm

Wow! All i can say is welcome!

stiltrubld
Posts: 69
Joined: Thu Aug 27, 2009 5:26 pm

Re: Just found you.

Postby stiltrubld » Sun Nov 29, 2009 11:54 am

Same here - stories such as yours render me speechless.

Didn’t go through any trauma like you describe, being an adult when I joined SES, but I can relate to the need for a robust sense of humour.

Best wishes, stiltrubled

carlynnm8
Posts: 34
Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2009 7:30 pm

Re: Just found you.

Postby carlynnm8 » Sun Nov 29, 2009 12:14 pm

I am in the same situation as Stiltrubld in that I wasnt in SES as a child or go to any of the schools - but I am so disgusted with the level of coldness and heartlessness that went on at the childrens schools. I can relate too, to the fact that while people have breakdowns, illnesses etc no-one contacts them no matter how much time, effort and loyalty that person has given, its as if when you cannot give to them they just are not interested in the person. As for you being judged on being illegitimate - a true Spiritual person or organisation wouldnt judge - as far as I know all of these Spiritual/Religious organisations seem to have that bit wrong - nearly all Spiritual texts tell you never to judge others, as the old saying goes "There but for the Grace of God" or something like that (we went to Church a lot when I was young) but that was one of the messages that stuck in my young mind (I dont always manage to be non-judgemental but I try). Welcome to the board, Im really glad you found it, it's been so comforting to me too to meet others who have been through the mental abuse dished out by SES, (and survived it). I was in a bit of a mess mentally when I found it and am recovering slowly - but I still have my moments. Its so good you have such a lovely life now - you certainly deserve some happiness and peace.

Best Wishes

Carlynn
><strong>Joanna Eberhart</strong>: If I am wrong, I'm insane... but if I'm right, it's even worse than if I was wrong. >more famous quotes<Stepford Wives

User avatar
bonsai
Posts: 322
Joined: Sun Feb 12, 2006 12:08 am
Location: London

Re: Just found you.

Postby bonsai » Mon Nov 30, 2009 5:09 pm

Welcome Blue,

Thank you for having the courage to tell your story too. For sure you are not the only one who has suffered and I doubt that you have ever exaggerated your feelings or the experiences themselves. More likely most of us have tried to supress the true accounts of what happened because they were always explained as our own denial of the Truth or Consciousness.

It is so sad that you provide yet more evidence for the fact that the full truth and horrors of what happened in the SES and the day schools, St James and St Vedasts, has yet to come out. I take it you were not aware of the Townend Inquiry.

I'm really pleased that you have found some validation in both Clara's book and this site and I hope this helps with healing from the past as well as highlighting to other people what these organisations have done.

Welcome again
Bonsai

Witness
Posts: 41
Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2004 5:55 pm

Re: Just found you.

Postby Witness » Mon Nov 30, 2009 9:33 pm

Welcome.

We're all together here, Blue. I remember the first day I found this forum, several years ago. It was a far better and even more enjoyable moment than subsequent apologies from the few good people still at SES. It was much more important than the people who didn't genuinely apologize but tried to make peace because they were looking to be let off the hook, forgiven and freed of shame: I am talking about the Townend/Boddy/Skelcey nonsense.

I remember the first time I saw this forum it filled me with happiness and vindication; feelings of justice and freedom. The feeling of not being alone, of reading other stories just like yours, to know that We held the truth all along no matter what They said... all this is far more important than the word "sorry" from the culprits. It is indeed a beautiful day. Enjoy!

Witness

bluegreen
Posts: 95
Joined: Fri Aug 21, 2009 4:42 pm

Re: Just found you.

Postby bluegreen » Tue Dec 01, 2009 7:57 pm

Welcome, I was 3 years behind you but I may have met you. Sorry you had such a terrible time. I don't think I know any adults now who would blame a child like that and not spot that there was serious neglect going on. The only thing I can imagine is that if you are living in the present moment, concentrating on the space between the calligraphy nib and the paper, or your shoe and the ground, you won't spot the child walking past with matted hair and a broken heart.
That's the irony of the SES present moment stuff, if you are truly awake, aware and your focus is on the wonderful world and people around you instead of on self betterment, you will not only notice more, but anticipate needs and prevent disasters for others and for the vulnerable.

Either that, or they noticed, but didn't help you because of some twisted SES beliefs about karma or somesuch, and that possiblility is too awful to accept.
Rachel
St James Girls School 1977-1981


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